she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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