i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
