She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
