Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
