the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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