definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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