he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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