I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
