She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
