i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
