Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
