when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
