just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
