I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
