I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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