I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
