I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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