3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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