for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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