you guys were way drunker than both of me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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