I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
