im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
