Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
