giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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