Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
