FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Blood and glitter go together right?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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