yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize