I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
