Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
