Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
