checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
