no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
