She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
