1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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