***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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