Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my being single is dangerous.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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