maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will pee on everything he values.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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