i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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