five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
