This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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