i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
