never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
