time to smoke my breakfast
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
