those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
