And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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