I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
