your room smells of hookers.
And success
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
