I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
