Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
