Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
