He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
