after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
