We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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