i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
