If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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