I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
