a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm having to shit out rocks
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