god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
