We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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