Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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